I AM always suspicious of dramas with 'clever' titles. You often find that what follows the opening credits does not live up to expectations.

In the case of The Stretford Wives (BBC1, Wednesday), the title was about the only thing displaying a modicum of creativity.

You can imagine the way it was sold to the BBC. Here was the 'down to earth, true to life' story of three sisters from the grim north, trying to cope against all odds.

One would be married to a wife-beater, who is about to be released from jail. One would have a junkie for a husband, and the third one would have a waif-like daughter, who co-habits with a deadbeat and has a child who thinks she is her sister.

To give it more 'weight', let's over-egg the misery a bit more. The first sister, Donna, would be a real accident waiting to happen. Despite being unable to pay any of the household bills, she would spend the majority of her life in the local pub or club, knocking back the spirits and picking up men.

She would also have an affair with a policeman, who can bail her out of the nick whenever she starts throwing coffee jars around the local supermarket - from which she is barred.

One of her daughters, looking about 10 years old, would have a tearaway boyfriend. They will come close to ending their tragic little lives in a joyriding incident.

Donna will eventually knife to death her husband, while pretending to welcome him back into her life.

Her sisters Elaine and Lynda will have similarly depressing lives. Elaine will leave her junkie husband for a middle-aged Lothario, who will let her down. Lynda will finish off her ailing marriage by pretending to have a brain tumour in order to persuade her daughter to return her granddaughter into her care.

Bit over the top? Apparently not! The BBC thought this merry tale of northern folk might entertain us on a summer evening.

In this case, the use of Stretford as a convenient sound-alike for Stepford was not translated into a realistic depiction of the area.

With long shots of Manchester and cobbled streets reminiscent of the Salford of Coronation Street, it was hard to identify any Trafford landmarks.

Artistic licence was also stretched to snapping point as far as the cast's accents were concerned. They did a complete journey around the north west, with Fay Ripley treating us to a veritable pick 'n' mix of attempts at a Stretford twang.

I am not one of those who thinks Ms Ripley can do no wrong. I find her acting style irritating, and cannot understand why she feels the need to burst into song in every small screen appearance I have witnessed.

As an attempt at a gritty northern drama, this particular example displayed no variation in lighting, tone or content. It was relentless bad news with bucket loads of despair.

I think the entire populace of Stretford should sue!

SOAP POSER:

KEN Barlow as a newspaper agony aunt? How? His experience of life has consisted of living in the same terraced street for what seems like a century, fighting with Mike Baldwin, and making a pig's ear of marriage and fatherhood. Would you take advice from this man?

TOP GRADE OF THE WEEK:

OBSESSIONS (BBC1, Thursday) provided yet more fascinating footage of people with real personality problems. This week, we were treated to the tale of American Gary, who wanted to be a cat. He was in the process of modifying his face to look as much like a moggy as possible. Unfortunately, he just resembled Meatloaf wearing the permanent face paint spray so hilariously employed in Phoenix Nights!

FAILURE OF THE WEEK:

AARGH! The intensely annoying and totally unbelievable storyline of the teenage pregnancy from Hell has re-surfaced in Emmerdale. Anyone else planning to stop watching until K-K-K-Katy is banished back to Macclesfield for good?