NEVER has the word celebrity been used as loosely as in the latest pseudo-survival programme to hit our screens.

I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here (ITV1) has already contravened the Trades Description Act by featuring such Z-list characters as Tony Blackburn and Darren Day.

The format is a sort of Celebrity Big Brother in the Australian jungle. Instead of a histrionic Vanessa Feltz, these victims will only have to deal with deadly snakes and giant spiders.

It all started well, with the happy band of eight in 'jolly hockey sticks' mood, as they were bossed through the first day's activities by Head Girl Incarnate Christine Hamilton.

With most of the group appearing to bond over the flickering light around the camp fire, it looked as though entertainment value was going to be in short supply.

Step forward, Nigel Benn and Uri Geller. Benn suddenly emerged as Mr Grumpy, while Uri became Father Confessor. 'Is it right you used to take drugs?' he asked a bemused Tara P-T. Where have you been, Uri? Probably on some other planet, honing his spiritual counselling skills.

By Wednesday, the group began to lose their grip on reality with a vengeance. Tara P-T was 'bunny jumping' around the camp with leaves sticking in her hair and mouth; Nigel Benn was wearing Christine Hamilton's bra and knickers, and Uri Geller was trying to communicate a birthday message to his mate Michael Jackson (on the wrong day, apparently!).

On Thursday, all the simmering feuds burst into an explosion of arguments and expletives. The best of the action centred on Darren Day, who is cultivating the Crocodile Dundee look, and abrasive Scots non-entity Rhona Cameron.

I never thought I'd ever say this, but I'm on Dazza's side on this one. Ms Cameron has one of those personalities that should never be inflicted on a small group in a confined space. As Tara T-P commented, watching the Scottish scourge set off to tackle her 'bush tucker' trial of being buried alive: "I'd leave her there!"

SOAP POSER:

HOW stupid can one woman be? Loopy Lisa in EastEnders not only fancies moon-faced Phil Mitchell, she also trusted Devil Child Stephen Beale to deliver an incriminating note to the gruesome grease monkey this week. She deserves all that's coming to her!

HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK:

THE footage of Old Trafford legend Duncan Edwards and his still grieving mother in There's Only One Manchester United (BBC1) was a poignant reminder of what might have been for the Busby Babes who died as a result of the Munich air crash. For fans, this programme provided the chance to reflect on the glorious - and tragic - history that makes the club special for those lucky enough to have been born into the fold. And yes, George, if you were playing alongside today's stars - as in your dream - that team would always win!

LOWLIGHT OF THE WEEK:

I SAW two minutes of Britain's Sexiest (ITV1) this week, and it was two minutes too much.